Jealous

Greg gets on the phone tonight and tells stories and laughs with his best friend (s).  I went to dinner without Greg, But with a couple of friends. The two I was with are good friends and I am sort of new to the friend group. I listened and laughed as they updated each other. I soaked up every second of fun and friendship I could. At one point I felt myself getting choked up because I was enjoying our visit so much. Listening to the silly chatter and serious moments and just being there with those people was a real treat, one I do not get often. I got choked up, too, because these moments are so rare. I don't have real intimate and regular visits with friends. I was almost sad at the depth of relationship I was witnessing between the two friends, a level at which I rarely participate. I found myself listening intently, but also wanting so badly to break in with all the stored up stories and topics I have been holding onto for such a moment as this. After listening and engaging in their updates and conversation, I couldn't help but spew out all the things I wanted to say. It was embarrassing, really. "I went to a wedding this weekend and...my grandmother has gone into hospice care...I learning how to make scratch off cards, my grandfather had a heart attack last night..." The words I'd been holding onto came spilling out. The girls listened and engaged with me as best they could, but they probably took me for a little loopy, what with dumping everything on them at once.
We had to wrap up our visit pretty soon after my spewing. I walked away with dreams of visiting with one another again, and soon.

Connected by DROID on Verizon Wireless