There are other times I remember mission trips spent playing Bryan Adam's "Everything I do," working in clothes closets and food pantries, performing for talent shows and in musicals, going for the first and only time to Chris' house, playing basketball, and cheering for all the RA games, and more.
A couple of years after the Amy blabbermouth experience, Amy and Chris started dating. I was so angry and hurt when I found this out. She knew what this would to do me! And surely he knew something about my crush by now! It was during this time that the flame I had for Chris began to dim. I started seeing other faults in him: smoking, drinking, rebelliousness, differing opinions, skipping school, etc. It was also around this time that my brother, Jackson, and Chris were at odds with one another- fighting and arguing. I took on other crushes, filled my notebook with other guys' code names and initials. Chris was still on the list, but not on the top anymore.
When Chris' crush status dropped a bit, that's when I actually got to know the real him, but by then it was too late, we were already seniors, getting ready to graduate.
Actually, Chris ended up not graduating. I was so upset about this. I felt hurt and betrayed! He'd been with me through everything, but he wasn'ts going to go through graduation with me. He was so smart and he knew everything! He got a 1375 on his SAT's, for goodness sake!
I only got a 1100! And here I was graduating from high school and from the youth group- in a way without him.
That last summer was tough. He still went on all the trips, but something was different, something had changed. I was so sad to leave and let go of everything: church, home, friends, the youth group, and of Chris.
I remember coming home from the mission trip thinking that this was the end - the end of an era. We drove through the streets of Raleigh, my eyes welling with tears. Chris was sitting in the bus seat in front of me. (Amy draped by his side) I (daringly-for me, that is) reached my hand in front of me and placed it on his shoulder and said something like "This is it, you know?" He grabbed my hand and held on and said, "I know." He held my hand through the next few turns to the church and when we arrived to the parking lot, he squeezed my hand, which to me felt like he was saying "It'll be ok." I left the bus that day, letting Christopher go.
I went off to Boone, NC to go to college. I told myself when I got there that I'd keep up with certain people. Chris was one of the people on that list. I wrote him letters from school telling him what was going on and how I was doing. I kept on writing, but never received anything in return. My sophomore year, I received a letter from Chris. In it he wrote about how good and loyal of a friend I was and about how thankful he was for our friendship and the letters I sent. I cherished the letter, read it a hundred times over, kept it in my journal. I've written Chris off and on for 10 years and that letter is the only one I've ever received, but it is enough.
One last story...We had a lock in one time during which Chris was playing classical guitar. I told him then and there that I wanted him to play at my wedding. I laughed at my own boldness in even saying as much to him. Years later, I got engaged. One of the first orders of business for planning the wedding-get Chris to play and he did. At the rehearsal dinner, as I went around the room, I introduced my guests to one another. When I got to Chris, I decided to lay it all out on the line. "This is Christopher," I said, "I was in love with him practically all my life." Everyone giggled, thinking I was joking or something. But I being for real and I think he knew it. (and if he didn't, my other good friends were sitting with him to verify the facts.) That night, after everyone left, I stopped to talk to Matt. He didn't seem shocked or amazed by what I had said. It didn't phase him a bit. He just smiled, gave me a hug, and carried his guitar out the door.
A couple of years after the Amy blabbermouth experience, Amy and Chris started dating. I was so angry and hurt when I found this out. She knew what this would to do me! And surely he knew something about my crush by now! It was during this time that the flame I had for Chris began to dim. I started seeing other faults in him: smoking, drinking, rebelliousness, differing opinions, skipping school, etc. It was also around this time that my brother, Jackson, and Chris were at odds with one another- fighting and arguing. I took on other crushes, filled my notebook with other guys' code names and initials. Chris was still on the list, but not on the top anymore.
When Chris' crush status dropped a bit, that's when I actually got to know the real him, but by then it was too late, we were already seniors, getting ready to graduate.
Actually, Chris ended up not graduating. I was so upset about this. I felt hurt and betrayed! He'd been with me through everything, but he wasn'ts going to go through graduation with me. He was so smart and he knew everything! He got a 1375 on his SAT's, for goodness sake!
I only got a 1100! And here I was graduating from high school and from the youth group- in a way without him.
That last summer was tough. He still went on all the trips, but something was different, something had changed. I was so sad to leave and let go of everything: church, home, friends, the youth group, and of Chris.
I remember coming home from the mission trip thinking that this was the end - the end of an era. We drove through the streets of Raleigh, my eyes welling with tears. Chris was sitting in the bus seat in front of me. (Amy draped by his side) I (daringly-for me, that is) reached my hand in front of me and placed it on his shoulder and said something like "This is it, you know?" He grabbed my hand and held on and said, "I know." He held my hand through the next few turns to the church and when we arrived to the parking lot, he squeezed my hand, which to me felt like he was saying "It'll be ok." I left the bus that day, letting Christopher go.
I went off to Boone, NC to go to college. I told myself when I got there that I'd keep up with certain people. Chris was one of the people on that list. I wrote him letters from school telling him what was going on and how I was doing. I kept on writing, but never received anything in return. My sophomore year, I received a letter from Chris. In it he wrote about how good and loyal of a friend I was and about how thankful he was for our friendship and the letters I sent. I cherished the letter, read it a hundred times over, kept it in my journal. I've written Chris off and on for 10 years and that letter is the only one I've ever received, but it is enough.
One last story...We had a lock in one time during which Chris was playing classical guitar. I told him then and there that I wanted him to play at my wedding. I laughed at my own boldness in even saying as much to him. Years later, I got engaged. One of the first orders of business for planning the wedding-get Chris to play and he did. At the rehearsal dinner, as I went around the room, I introduced my guests to one another. When I got to Chris, I decided to lay it all out on the line. "This is Christopher," I said, "I was in love with him practically all my life." Everyone giggled, thinking I was joking or something. But I being for real and I think he knew it. (and if he didn't, my other good friends were sitting with him to verify the facts.) That night, after everyone left, I stopped to talk to Matt. He didn't seem shocked or amazed by what I had said. It didn't phase him a bit. He just smiled, gave me a hug, and carried his guitar out the door.
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