Sunday, March 7, 2010

too many ideas

Everyone around me boasts/gripes because of how busy they are. I guess I'm busy too, but what I'd rather gripe about is the amount of ideas I have. Ideas that are fun and exciting but that don't come true. They get stuck in un-motivation or fear. They get pushed aside in the midst of things to do. They get crushed by rejection and non-recognition. These ideas come up and when left alone for to long, they gather together and become a list. A grocery list, of sorts, that calls out from the back of my mind, "Don't forget us next time! Remember to include us, please!"

These neglected ideas begin to take a life of their own, they remind me of what we once could have been together. They tell me over and over again that if I were only smart enough or motivated enough or fast enough or organized enough that they'd have life and thus my life would be better. What really happens, though, is that they begin to rule my life. These little lost ideas, things that would be cool to do/be/have if I had the time/money/interest/encouragement of others call out to me with wishful pleading, reminding me that I didn't do/be/have and I don't have time/money, interest, encouragement of others.

And so, with the little beckonings of these puny ideas, my outlook on life becomes more gloomy than sunny.

I've found, recently, that it temporarily helps to write a list of these ideas down. Simply putting them on paper and letting them live in print rather than in the back of my head helps me to release them. Now, my mind isn't listing them all the time and reminding me not to forget them. They are already listed and on paper and the great Idea Queen is taking good care of them until I can, when I choose to, take a look and possibly be motivated to do/be/have ____________ again.

Here are the most recent ideas:
Things that are "on hold"
Writing a book ( I have two in mind)
being a doula
decorating the house in a fun and cool way
front yard landscaping instead of front yard mud hole
comfy/confident wardrobe
flowers growing outside
job stability

Fix it things:
fridge seal
oven seal
back porch clean and paint
Washer Dryer upstairs
squeaky front door
unorganized pantry
dirty cars
unorganized basement

To do that seems to not be able to get done:
Move computer files from one hard drive to another
Turn in computer and phone to right owner
keep floors and couches clean
make curtains for kitchen (mine and xstine)
Hair cuts
eating right and with self control
laundry (in orderly and quick fashion)

Ideas that have no where to go:
cottage industry
partnerships with folks (BRTC, CIS, ETC)
folk school
Go back to school