Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What I want/need

At this stage, I'm not so sure I can tell the difference between what I need and what I want.  Everything seems so pressing and urgent, it feels like a need.  But, in the big reality of life, these things maybe aren't necessities at all.  I also have a hard time recognizing the difference between a personal need and a Hyaets need.  The line is so blurry and crooked- moving this way and that for different people.  I'm not going to worry about which one's which.  I'm just going to list them.  Time will tell:

*A couple really good friends that I can call without feeling like I'm interrupting something or intruding and speak honestly without worrying about hurting feelings or sounding ugly.* For some of the things on our Hyaets Wish list to be completed by a generous soul or group of souls so that we can feel like it is ok to start wishing again.*To find the right people to collaborate with on several projects- people that'll be creative and open and make things happen:  Youth partnership with other youth groups that are demographically similar for things like camp, mission trip, retreats, etc; Small business ideas (personal and Hyaets related) that may be helpful in supporting neighbors/ministry * Space and Time for creating things (without feeling guilty) * dining room painting party helpers * dining room table painting party helpers * publishing software that makes photo edits and calendar making a breeeze * someone give me an ipod with all of my favorite music on it and a bunch of stuff I've never heard but will like with some headphones that are bigger than pennies * a different couch &  a different chair- ones that actually fit in our living room * a couple (maybe three) community members that I can really relate to and feel supported by * 3-5 discerning students who are passionate about service and simple living who would come and live and minister with us at Hyaets * the rural Hyaets inititiative to get started and cleanly break off with happiness and excitement about all thatthey could be * an outdoor shower * a screened in back porch * W/D upstairs rather than in the dirty cellar that you get to by going down the stairs of death* One car that fits at least 6 people that is cute, safe, and efficient* someone to redo the floor in the clubhouse so that it is not constently attracting and keeping dirt * lead based paint removal*  window replacement- but I want them to look like the ones we have now*  preschool registration to be decided on and followed through with*  dental appt for JTJ to be scheduled*  taxes to be figured out*  Z's SSN to finally arrive (he turns 2 in June, people)*  financial planning session with someone who does not believe in hoarding and consumerism*  a coach*  a group of people to take my ideas to who will give feedback and "buy in" with action to the ones they feel interested in....I'm sure there's more.  That's a good list for now.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Who I want to be

I want non-neighbors to see me as: faithful, dedicated, creative, smart, hard working, sacrificial, loyal, honest, thoughtful, compassionate.

I want neighbors to see me as: a good listener, friend, helper, cheerful, resourceful, welcoming, open

I want to see myself as: artist, mother, minister, gardener, good neighbor, host, leader, creative, productive

Other qualities that seem important for one reason or another: cleanliness, order, being a non-anxious presence, being able to see places that need improvement, being able to notice when my values don't line up with my lifestyle and making changes to line them up more correctly, having friends/support group, making space for beauty

What I want to do


6:30am- boys wake us up

7:15am- go walking around neighborhood

get dressed, eat breakfast

8:30am- leave the house (Greg stays with boys on Mondays, I stay with the boys on Thursdays. On Fridays, we are both home)

9:00am- Church office work (We are together in the office on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)

2:00pm- return home for chores, catching up with Greg, Hyaets administrative work, work in garden, rest for a minute  Sometimes I wish I could run some errands in the afternoon, but due to babysitters and feeling like I am "supposed to be home", I come straight home.  I like this time for chores and so forth, but sometimes I feel bad if I'm not "working" at this time.  And sometimes when I feel like resting, I don't because I feel bad about it....or if I am resting, I feel bad about that.  I'm almost always exhausted during this time, so I have to force myself to get moving.  This is not my most productive time of day.  If the boys are not napping well, they may be awake at this time, making it difficult to "get things done."

4:20pm- Neighborhood kids show up for afterschool hang out (this amount of kids may vary between 2-10). We provide an afterschool snack, supervision, help with home work, entertainment, and conversation. Work in garden, play outside if nice. Dinner prep  I don't mind being here every afternoon, but sometimes I wish I could be gone without feeling guilty about leaving the kids high and dry.  Kids just come by, they haven't signed up and they are not required to be here.  So, it varies as to who comes and how many.  I am terrible at homework help, especially with the kids who are terrible at reading and math.  I think that the afterschool program across the street would provide better help with home work than we can.  I'd like to use this time for various things: neighborhood walk about, maybe volunteering with the neighborhood afterschool program, visiting with parents in the neighborhood, in depth relationship building with the teenagers.

5:30pm- Dinner: Either the Tuck house or the Parkway house provides and prepares the meal. We switch off. Usually, our house provides the meal on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and half the meal on Thursdays. On Wednesdays, more kids come over and we provide Dinner and Devos. We have a couple of volunteers that help us so that we can split the kids between age groups. We do games and then a "lesson" and prayer time. Kids leave on Wednesday between 7:00-7:30pm. Neighbors eat with us on M, T, and W. On Thursdays, neighbors do not eat with us. We often bring food to Thursday night meals, potluck style. We commit to eating dinner with our Community. On occasion, we have to miss dinner due to other obligations.  I really like Dinner and Devos.  I don't like that I'm so committed to dinners that I don't feel like I can meet with friends on occasion or go out with Greg on occasion.  The imbalance of food provision is not really that bad, but sometimes the Thursday night meals are not very appetizing or healthy since it is a modge podge.

6:15pm- Community prayers, if we aren't too hectic and we remember. Thursday prayers for sure.  If this was done one way and one way only, that'd be a bit easier.  The fact that it is always switching around makes for unsettling feelings.

Kids usually leave the house no later than 6:45pm on M and T.  I don't like the eat and run mentality, but I also go batty when the kids stay around because they tear up the house and need total supervision.

Evening Stroll around the neighborhood or visit to the rec center, entertain children, work in garden  I love the evening stroll and wish our neighborhood were more visually interesting.

8pm- boys in bed

yoga, chores, screen time, Hyaets administrative stuff, book time  At the end of the day, it feels like I have to squeeze a lot of stuff into 2 hours.  I feel like I HAVE TO exercise as much as possible, at least 30 minutes.  These two short hours make me feel so frustrated because I so many more things to do than I have time for.

10:30-11:30pm- Bed

Variations: First and Third Fridays of the month are reserved for Community Meals. We coordinate with churches and provide food for 30+ people. We try our best to introduce ourselves to everyone at the meal and keep all the children safe and entertained.  I have absolutely no capacity to have in depth conversations during Community meals.  I'm so concerned with logistics and kids, I end up running around the whole time.  I don't mind this, so much as other people don't expect me to be working on in depth relationships during Community Meals.

If CMS is out of school, M-F, we provide lunch and an activity to neighborhood children (avg 15 during school year. Grows in number to more than 30 in the summer)  This often interferes with our work schedules.  We have some helpful volunteers, but inconsistently so.

Saturdays: farmer's market, yard work, errands, interact with neighbors, church related activities, and more.  Saturdays feel like, "productivity day".  If we don't get everything done on our "to do" list, then we worry that we won't get them done at all until the next Saturday.

Add to this: weekend retreats with neighbors or church folks, Sunday evening meetings with church folks. Greg might play a gig sometimes in the evenings.

Possibilities that may "help" some situations: better childcare options, partner with the afterschool program, appoint an "off day" from meals every so often so that we can go out or do something outside of the norm.  Note other ideas in previous posts.

What I do

It occurs to me that I might should write out what my current weekly routine is like.  Then, I might could figure out what want my current weekly routine to look like.  I'll also, hopefully if I get around to it, try to flesh out who I want to be to myself, neighbors, etc.  This should help work out some thoughts.

I'll begin with What I do.

Let's Start with Sunday:
6:30am- boys come and wake me up
get ready for church
8:30am- almost every other week, there's a meeting at church
9:30-12:30am- Church...sometimes meetings till 1 or 2pm
Greg goes to jazz orchestra rehearsal and I play with boys
Play with boys
boys to bed
veg out/screen time

6:30am- boys wake us up
7:15am- go walking around neighborhood
get dressed, eat breakfast
8:30am- leave the house (Greg stays with boys on Mondays, I stay with the boys on Thursdays.  On Fridays, we are both home)
9:00am- Church office work (We are together in the office on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
2:00pm- return home for chores, catching up with Greg, Hyaets administrative work, work in garden, rest for a minute
4:20pm- Neighborhood kids show up for afterschool hang out (this amount of kids may vary between 2-10).  We provide an afterschool snack, supervision, help with home work, entertainment, and conversation.  Work in garden, play outside if nice. Dinner prep
5:30pm- Dinner:  Either the Tuck house or the Parkway house provides and prepares the meal.  We switch off.  Usually, our house provides the meal on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and half the meal on Thursdays.  On Wednesdays, more kids come over and we provide Dinner and Devos.  We have a couple of volunteers that help us so that we can split the kids between age groups.  We do games and then a "lesson" and prayer time.  Kids leave on Wednesday between 7:00-7:30pm.  Neighbors eat with us on M, T, and W.  On Thursdays, neighbors do not eat with us.  We often bring food to Thursday night meals, potluck style.  We commit to eating dinner with our Community.  On occasion, we have to miss dinner due to other obligations.
6:15pm- Community prayers, if we aren't too hectic and we remember.  Thursday prayers for sure
Kids usually leave the house no later than 6:45pm on M and T.
Evening Stroll around the neighborhood or visit to the rec center, entertain children, work in garden
8pm- boys in bed
yoga, chores, screen time, book time
10:30-11:30pm- Bed

Variations:  First and Third Fridays of the month are reserved for Community Meals.  We coordinate with churches and provide food for 30+ people.  We try our best to introduce ourselves to everyone at the meal and keep all the children safe and entertained.
If CMS is out of school, M-F, we provide lunch and an activity to neighborhood children (avg 15 during school year.  Grows in number to more than 30 in the summer)
Saturdays: farmer's market, yard work, errands, interact with neighbors, church related activities, and more.
Add to this: weekend retreats with neighbors or church folks, Sunday evening meetings with church folks.  Greg might play a gig sometimes in the evenings. 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

What about???...

I hesitate putting too many specific ideas out into the world wide web for several reasons:  What if someone steals my idea and makes it their own?  What if someone doesn't allow me to pursue the idea?  What if it isn't a good idea? What if someone reads an idea typed out on a blog and things that the draft on the blog is the final product and makes quick judgments about something that is incomplete?...but I'm going to resist the urge to keep all the ideas to myself and I'm going to push myself even further not to claim the ideas as mine or take posession of them.  Thus, here are some of my specific ideas for the future of Hyaets:

Find some entreprenuers.  Ask them to bring their business to Tuckaseegee Rd.  Provide references for potential  neighborhood employees.

Start a small group in the neighborhood for adults.  The purpose of the group is to share with one another the needs we see among our neighbors and our thoughts/action for caring for our neighbors.  This is not a neighborhood association or a complaints meeting.  It is all about acknowledging that each member serves as a caregiver to the neighborhood.  We form a group identity and know that we are the Care team for the neighborhood.  We help each other help others and each of us does so knowing that we have the support of the team members.  Graft these team members into Hyaets at some level of membership or partnership.  Meet once a month or once every other month to talk about what's happening with the people we are caring for, how we might support one another, and what needs we see for the whole of the community.  Maybe we could use the shepherding language?  Or Caring language?  Not sure what terms to use, but can already think of a core group of 4 or 5 people who might be on a team.  Not religiously affiliated.

Instead of starting a microbusiness that requires teaching a skill to neighbors that they do not already know, build off of what they do know: hospitality. Utilize the new house (once purchased) partly (ie. mostly, if things work) as a bed and breakfast type of place.  The bed and breakfast (inn) is advertized as a perfect rest stop for musicians on tour (gigs).  Use the Milestone club down the street as a helpful connection.  Due to the hours that musicians have (late nights), the schedule for "work" would perfectly fit with neighbors' schedules.  Neighbors work as the hosts.  Maybe ask Johnson and Wales to provide some small amount of training or interns.  Neighbors run the inn: food, lodging, cleaning, security, upkeep, etc.  In the shed out back, there's a part art part music studio.  Musician may "pay" for part of their stay by teaching a lesson or two to kids in the neighborhood or providing other services at the studio.  Recording capabilities and relatively regular jam sessions would be happening at the studio, providing interest, networking, and amenities to musicians that they could not find at the typical motel. The fee for stay would be less than a nice motel's stay, but more than the local roach motels nearby.  Musicians could choose to lengthen their stay and provide a livingroom concert to neighbors.

Community life:  We're going to need some adults that are relatively close to our age and stage of life, I think.  It just helps to be able to share life with folks who "get" what's happening with our lives.  But, finding those types of people is not easy.  I spent 5 years working with college students.  Greg's really really good at mentoring interns and so forth.  We really like the idea of providing discerning students or recent grads and opportunity to minister in our neighborhood and live in community.  Students could engage in a short term partnership (1 year) with the option of extending it longer or more permanently.  These students, like the rest of us, would work for Hyaets and participate in community life.  I'm not sure about payment.  One trick is that the Tuck house will still have a mortgage that must be paid monthly, so we'll have to have people in it that can help pay that mortgage.  So, if a student wanted to be paid for their work and if Hyaets paid for their lodging, we'd have to find some grant funding or something of that sort.  But, if a student (are there any like this?) were to choose to live and work for free...and gain not a whole lot of monetary income but quite a bit of experience, then we'd happily accept them. :)  Mine and Greg's role would be something like an Abbot or Abbess within our community.

Change the afterschool program to no afterschool program, sort of:  Greg and I are very ready to make some drastic changes to the ministries that we are engaged in.  One program that has served a helpful purpose, but we seem to no longer have passion about is Afterschool care.  Our afterschool system is not alltogether that structured.  We are always home when school lets out.  We have afterschool snacks on hand at all times.  We interact with children and help them with their homework.  We entertain children and try our best to keep them from tearing up our house, yard, or the clubhouse.  We break up arguements and rangle kids.  The amount of participating children varies.  One day it could be one or two, the next day it could be 10-12.  Some kids bring homework to do, some don't.  Some need one on one attention for homework, some don't.  We've tried all sorts of tactics, incentives, and activities.  We are now ready to consider handing over the afterschool program to someone else:  someone who can do it well, with support staff, and with more structure than we're able to provide.  We've thought about somehow encouraging all the parents of the kids that we interact with to sign their kids up for the afterschool program that takes place at the rec center through the police athletic league.  (a blog about the role of police in our neighborhood and why this idea doesn't settle with us very easily might need to be included)  Our idea is that we would really really encourage parents to sign up for Afterschool at the center.  We might even be able to help provide partial or full scholarships for each of the kids.  Then, we go to the center and we provide ourselves and other church partners as volunteers at the program.  We get the parents to sign a waiver saying that we have permission to sign their kid out of afterschool.  This way, we'll be able to take them out early when/if we want them to come over for dinner.  We'll also be able to take a couple here and there out for some one on two time with us.  We won't feel like we have to be at home everyday afterschool.  We won't feel totally incompetant when we can't figure out how in the world to teach one of the kids how to read or do their math because there'll be other staff support.  We'll volunteer at the more structured afterschool program, make relationships with folks at the center and PAL, and have an opportunity to opt out of afterschool on occassion when we need to do other things like run errands, talk one on one with a neighbor, spend time with our children, etc.  This, in time, may lend itself to partnering with the PAL summer day camp program as well which has quite a bit of potential.

Hope Chapel:  One day a week this summer, the kids will go to Hope Chapel to work on upkeeping and repairing the building.  I wonder if there are possibilities for further partnership and growth in this area.

Jewelry Making:  Very informally and infrequently, we gather a few women or young ladies together to make jewelry.  We take that jewelry, on occassion, to speaking engagements.  Half the sales go back to the jewelry maker and half goes towards the supply costs.  I'd like to expand this into other art.  I'd also like to use the kiln I bought to experiment with fused glass jewerly or precious metal clay jewelry.  I really really want to turn the House to Home shed into an art studio for this purpose.

Thrifty Mama:  What if we asked all the supporting churches to collect baby clothes and items and maternity clothes and we opened up a thrift store for new moms.  We could hire women from the neigborhood to run the store.  The inventory would come from church people donations.  I know that when I was pregnant, I wished that there was a maternity consignment close to us, but they are all totally across town.  We could also provide, maybe, some pastoral care or counseling for new moms. (maybe) and maybe doula services/connections as well.

WE HAVE GOT TO FIND A YOUTH CAMP that is better geared toward our youth.  Economic class and race is so very evident in the planning of the camp that we currently go to.  I really really wish we could find a way to partner with some like minded ministries and groups to plan some sort of meaningful and unique discipleship and fun experience for our youth.  I've tried to reach out to a couple of camp organizations and people about this, but no bites.

More to come...maybe...hopefully...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

More thoughts on the future of Hyaets

It is important to us that we base our daily activity and choices on our values/ideals. We know, though, that we won’t ever be able to match our values/ideals with our lives. Certainly, we haven’t included everything that is important and we won’t perfectly match our ideals, but it is at least worth a try.

In the six years we have lived in community and co-directed the Hyaets ministry, we have experienced many good times. We have also experienced quite a bit of difficulty. We are not under the illusion that any changes will keep us from experiencing difficulty. In fact, changes will inevitably involve difficulty. Without dumping all six years of history onto the world wide interwebs, I’ll make my best attempt to flesh out how we came to discern our needs, voids, or opportunities for growth/change.

It seems that the amount of residential community members affects the stability and sustainability of our Community. For six years, there have been 4 long term adult residents. Children have increased in number. Temporary people (interns and “year long discernment” folks) have come and gone, but have not stayed. There was one occasion when an intern stayed for some parts of 2 years, either in our own home or in a close by residence. The Resident Year Discernment Year process has always been very flexible and unstructured. The rule and routine of our community almost always changes in order to adjust to the new people who come. Personalities traits and habits probably have something to do with the lack of commitment from discerning folks, but I think more than anything else, the reasons for the not-so-working discernment process are unclear expectations, wrong assumptions on both parts, unclear definition of membership into Hyaets community life. I personally believe that unclear expectations, rule, and routine have also made it difficult between residential members and possibly have caused the current disconnect/decision to start a new community. Though the newest effort and way in which a new community has been a difficult pill for me to swallow, I do agree that this might be the best possible option.

I’m very excited about the potential for newness, growth, and the opportunity for following new paths. I’m eager to grow our little urban community and to discern new ministry possibilities. Dreaming and visioning is fun. We also need some change. The life we have formed thus far at Hyaets has been rewarding and meaningful, but there have been times when we have sensed there was room for improvement. Too often, we have felt unsupported, isolated, and overwhelmed. This opportunity to make changes might allow for some of these feelings to be overcome.

I think that something like regular and routine community spiritual direction/coaching/or counseling would be helpful. When things have been difficult, we have turned to a counselor, but I think regular and routine direction would be a necessity. This way, we may be able to vision, discern, and reevaluate together with outside perspective on a regular basis. Also, it would help us as individuals to hear insight from an outside-of-the-community supportive person who has some understanding of how we live and interact.

It seems that numbers have something to do with sustainability and support. The more people, the more shared labor, yet too many makes for too much. I’m not sure what the “perfect” number would be, but I think that numbers are important to consider/aim for. It also seems that physical presence is not enough. Emotional presence is key to relationship development and community life. Personality conflicts, depression, addiction, and communication seem to be key influences in community relationships.

Monday, April 16, 2012

What if...?

Things at Hyaets will be changing soon.  Jason and Joanie have developed an interest in community living with another couple and are persuing starting a new community in a rural area.  Their hope is that this new community will be a branch off of Hyaets.  The potential for Jason and Joanie's move has made us rethink a lot of things.  We ask ourselves, how will we function without another family here to rely on?  Where will we get the man power to do the things we currently do at Hyaets?  What areas of growth or change do we see?  How will we recruit community members here in the urban place?

Greg and I have been talking about the possibilities.  We have been brainstorming and writing down our ideas and we're ready to hear thoughts and ideas from a few other people.  So, we've invited some folks over for breakfast on Saturday with the hopes that other voices might be able to contribute helpful ideas and brainstorming.

Here is a sketch of what we've been talking about:

Our Values, they influence how we function as a community and ministry:

- Order our lives around the rule and routine

- Cooperation

- Hospitality

- Some version of economic sharing

- Communal prayer

- Communal Meals

- Communication about practical/calendar, emotional, spiritual concerns

- ???not sure how to word correctly or which to include: children, peacemaking, nonviolence, conflict resolution, racial reconciliation, faith/discipleship, simplicity, downward mobility, creation care

Places/times that we sense a need, void, opportunity for growth or change

- Emotional/ Physical/ Spiritual support

o As individuals, as a family

o Shared “labor” of ministry

- Ministry as conceived is not sustainable/non sustaining us

o Hard to see results

o Big concerns we cannot address/help to address (of neighbors, of community interaction/life)

o Repetition to the point of stagnation, can feel mundane

 If this was felt as worthwhile (saw results) being mundane may not be a problem.

o Ideas/thoughts about changing, growing, but difficult to change course

- New projects coming up

o Potential for new problems

o No new people to help

- No clear leadership/rule/routine in place anymore

- Attempts to grow community have not been successful

o We want to write things down to make things more concrete and structured.

- Change is coming, but not arrived

- Timetable is unclear for change/J&J’s move

- Transition plans not worked out yet.

Hyaets urban ministry brainstorms

What needs do we see? What problems/issues would we want to address?

- What is life giving? What can we do and sustain?

o One on one relationships, depth of relationship with neighbors (ex: Dabria, Jamar, Demarcus, Dayna, Marquell). Esp. young people with whom deeper friendships were formed- not necessarily with intentions of homework

o Incentive trips are good

o Walk about the neighborhood, going to the Rec Center, interacting with others

o Relational stuff with adults is important- esp. for neighbors to know/support each other

o Non-neighbors developing meaningful relationships with neighbors

o Youth Group Meeting once a week

- Some things that we value, but can’t quite seem to make work with regularity; if we could figure out how to make them work, they would be really worthwhile.

o Peace week (spring break) activities

o Creativity, art, expression

o Drumming

o Open table at meal time

o Neighborhood Association or at least relationships

- Possibilities that we’re interested in

o Jobs for neighbors, esp 18-20 year olds who need experience (possible FreeMoreWest connection)

o Gardens

o Inn on Tuck: bed and breakfast type place at 2908 Tuckaseegee that musicians use for lodging before/after gigs. Maybe recording studio space in shed. Neighbors are hosts, provide hospitality.

o Art

o Being more present at the Rec Center, developing relationship with Afterschool program and other programs at the center. Becoming regular volunteers at the center.

o Community-cargiver- Hyaets“partner” level for neighbors

o College student interns or community

Possibilities for Rule and Routine

- What has worked for us and/or things we prefer

o Routine prayers- when there are more people, we can have them more frequently (3x a day is our preference) we like the idea of ringing a bell three times a day to pause for prayer. 10am, 3pm, 8pm?

o Liturgy for prayer content- common prayer book, repetition with openness for variation and conversation

o Ministry business meetings- when shared labor is equal and all participate with presence of mind and energy

o House functions as a space of welcome

o “Official” times when we can be free from obligation to community, “vacation” from obligation. 1x a month? Holidays? 2 weeks after summer busyness?

o Sharing things/resources- putting money into some kind of common pot was helpful and challenging, agree upon distribution

o Giving and receiving of individual’s gifts and skills for the benefit of the other and community at large. (ie: childcare, handywork, extras)

o Shared labor within ministry of Hyaets- differing roles, but all have a role

o Ministry of hospitality

o Shared space- proximity- live within 2-3 minute walk from BRTC

o Statement on addiction (not sure what or how to say this)

Things we hope for:

• End of week Examen Sunday night

• Weekly check-in, bring calendars, head’s up for the week, coordinate schedules/cars/resources each Sunday night

• 1 Community member’s retreat per year led by someone other than ourselves

• Send ambassadors to other communities regularly to learn and bring back lessons learned. Maybe one or two times a year

Things to work out:

• Heirarchy/leadership/ structure

• Official rule and routine: very clear and concrete, expectations defined

*relationship with rural community

The evils of facebook and horoscopes

People can be mean.  People using facebook can increase their meanness, intentionally or unintentionally.

For example:  I can go throughout my life making a good attempt at forgetting bad memories and hurt feelings.  But, facebook "friends" post pictures of themselves having a great time at a great event with other "friends" of mine and the feelings come right back up again.  Not cool.  I don't want to unfriend, but I don't want to be reminded of what I'm not invited to, what I'm excluded from.  I need a button that says, don't show me fun things that I was exclude from. 

I happened to read my horoscope this week:
Aquarius: Aspects are not the best for the Waterbearers at this time. You may feel isolated or as though no one around you can possibly understand who you are. In some way, life circumstances may be preventing you from communicating. Turn off the inner critic and make peace with yourself.

I don't really believe in horoscopes, or at least I don't really want to believe in them.  But, this week, the horoscope is right on target.  Ugh!  Greg was out of town all weekend.  My Mom came up for the day on Saturday and that was great.  But, I was mostly alone with the boys the rest of the time (I realize "alone" and "with boys" don't match up.)  I didn't have a whole lot of interaction with adults, that's for sure. ("Isolated?"  Yes!)   And I have so many thoughts lately: vocational discernment, visioning, dreaming, practical task list making, self improvement challenges...that even if I started getting all these things out there, I wouldn't even make a dent before sundown.  And since the abundance of ideas and things to say are overflowing, it is hard to figure out where or how to get started.  So "circumstances may be preventing me from communicating" in more ways that one.
Make peace with myself.  Oh yeah, I'll get to that just after I do the laundry and feed the ducks.  You've gotta be kidding me!
Now, I read the horoscope before Greg left for the weekend.  Did I make the horoscope prediction come true or did it come true because of the stars?  Or is it really true at all?
"Go and sin no more."  eek!
I'd like to say I'll quit facebook and horoscopes, but I'm guessing that won't last real long.  I've gotta see what's happening with my "friends" and I'll likely just happen to skim over the horoscope on the way to the crossword puzzle.
For give me for I know not what I do. ;)