pool locker room horror story

So, I have decided to take up swimming for exercise. I went to the swim store after the summer and bought real deal swim suit. Those things are not cheap, so I found the sale rack and got the largest suit they had on sale....one that's still a little too small for my body, but will work nonetheless. I'm not happy about wearing a too tight suit, but I figured for the savings from buying on sale, the embarrassment of the suit is worth it. I'm beginning to question that decision.

Each time I go to the pool, I quickly get in the water so that folks don't have to see my post pregnancy body and too tight suit. I swim my 30 minutes and quickly get back to the locker room to put clothes on again. On Monday night, I was walking past some middle school girls to my locker in the dressing room when I heard the girls make some sounds and saw shadows of gestures that let me know that these girls were not being nice towards me. I brushed it off, knowing that girls will be girls. I opened my locker and as I pulled out my bag, I heard one of the girls say to another girl who was 10feet away from her, but only 2 feet away from me, "When I get older, I want to stay in shape." (silence, silence, pause pause) I was stunned. I looked at the girl. She said, "...um, like my mom." (silence, pause) I couldn't keep my mouth closed, "Um, I hope you're not directing your comments at me, but in case you are, I just had a baby. And when you have a baby, it is really hard to stay get back in to shape." The girl made a defensive stance and face and said, "I wasn't talking about you." (yeah right!) I responded, "Oh I didn't think you were, but just in case you were, you should know that I just had a baby and it is hard to stay in shape when you get older. And how many babies did your mom have?" "Just one," she said. "Oh, yeah, well that makes sense. It is a lot easier after having just one baby. It gets harder with each one."

The girl fell silent. I let the room feel tense for a moment and then walked away to the restroom. I came back and the two girls were still silent. I took my stuff and walked out.

I can't get over that whole experience: the swimsuit, the body, the girl, the comments, my anger, the authority I took hold of and spoke from, the self doubt, the gall....The whole think haunts me a little. I wonder, can I go back to the pool at the same time or do I need to change my routine, do I have to buy a new swim suit, do I believe her attitude about me or my attitude about me, what is my attitude about me, what do I do with all this?

I've shared this interaction with a few people. I told Greg as soon as I got home what had happened. He said he felt like I handled the situation well. A friend told me that the girl was naive and immature. I keep telling the story over and over in my head, but I have yet to hear the response I'm looking for. I'm not even sure what that response is, really, but I know it goes something like this: Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right thing? Will swimming make a difference? Will my children know better how to speak? Will I ever be in shape? Am I really going to let a middle school girl bully me into self doubt? Will I always be embarrassed wearing this stupid swim suit?

The horror in the pool locker room happened on Monday night, but the haunting questions continue on. Thanks a lot, middle school girl.

Luke 16

For the next several months, I will be serving as the interim pastor at South Park Christian Church. Thus, the next several blogs will be dealing with sermons and lectionary text...in addition to anything else I feel like posting.

My FIRST sermon at SPCC is on Luke 16:1-13. Thanks to the lectionary, I've been given one of the most puzzling and difficult parables to work with. How to introduce myself, preach the text, and speak a good word of encouragement....that's the challenge!

Here , here, and here(sort of), are some of the things I've been reading to help me along the way. Read on and send me your suggestions if you've got them.

Summer Reads

The summer is just about the only time I ever take the time to read. It is almost as if June rolls around and something in my head alarms a curiosity in me that drives me straight to the library to borrow all sorts of books. So far this summer, I have gotten books on perfect porch design, waterfalls in North Carolina, preschool activities, outdoor kid's activities, and several novels.

In the early summer, I got a few novels by Anita Diamant and Barbara Kingsolver. The timing was bad, though, so I never got to read them. I also got a collection of devotional writings by Sue Monk Kidd that I thumbed through. I chose these books because of the authors' previous writings. I loved reading The Red Tent and Good Harbor by Diamant, but couldn't quite get into The Last Days of Dogtown. Prodigal Summer and The Bean Trees were good reads by Kingsolver, but I didn't have the time to dive into The Lacuna (which I hear is really good) and Animal Dreams.

Midsummer, I have more time. Due to the arrival of a brand new baby, I have time every two hours to read. Last year, I read a novel by Katherine Center titled Everything is Beautiful and loved it! So, I tried to give Center a chance again and read Get Lucky. I enjoyed this quick and easy read and was amazed at how Center is able to describe something so perfectly that I end up thinking to myself, "Ah, yes, That's it!" Sometime in the past year, I had a chance to read Kristin Hannah's books, Firefly Lane and Summer Island. I enjoyed both books, so I decided to pick up Winter Garden and give it a try. Again, Hannah amazed me with her capabilities of telling a good story. This book made me cry several times, and I'm not really a crier. It is not a cheesy happy beach read, but it is very good.

I've reserved another Katherine Center book in the hopes of reading it before the summer ends. I'm also hoping to read Eat, Pray, Love in time to see the movie.

So far, my summer in books has been a good one. If you haven't had a chance to do some good juicy reading lately, I recommend these books to get you started again!

baby registry

I promise. It all makes sense to me!

If you take a look at my amazon.com baby registry, you might say something like "What in the world is she registering for that for? It has nothing to do with a baby." But wait! I promise it does!

You see, I've registered for a couple out of the ordinary things that when put into context make total and complete sense.

There's a couch cover....have you seen our nasty couch lately. It is beyond the point of no return with stains and dirt that won't come out. If a baby's going to sit or lay on that thing, it has got to be covered! And what good does a new cover do if you don't have new pillows to match?

Then there's a bike and helmet....you see, we received a two kid bike chariot thing to hook up to Greg's bike. It is totally cool because he can take trips with the kids hitched to the back. But the real hitch is that I don't own a bike. Mine got stolen a couple of years ago by a neighbor. So how will we go on these family bike trips (and lose extra post-maternity weight) without a second bike.

Then there's a beach umbrella....We've been spending a lot of time outside in the garden and yard playing. Have you seen my skin? It is as pale as the moon. Can you imagine my baby's skin unprotected? Exactly!

Vacuum...same explanation as the couch cover!

Potting table....this will help to ward off any postpartum depression, I promise!

I think the other stuff is pretty self explanatory: diapers, baby wash, nursing stuff, clothes hamper, etc.

See, I told you it'd all make sense! My pregnancy brain is in full function, I promise!

Speaking of Raynard...

As many of you know, we're expecting a second baby in mid June. It'll be a second boy. We've searched high and low for cool family names for this boy. We had a perfect name for a girl, but we'll just have to store it away for another time or maybe just another pet. Anyways, we were looking through some online genealogy and found several not so good possibilities. (Gerald Jarrell is one of them)

I kept digging and digging until I found something quite funny.

Greg's great great great great grandfather shares a name with a beloved neighbor, Reynard. Spelled differently than our neighbor, but pronounced the same way, this name is an interesting on, but not one the top of our list.

For now, we've got a name in the running. We use it around the house so as to get used to it and figure out if we have settled in on the right one. When the baby is born, we'll reveal the name to you.

As for now, you can call the baby "duece" or "baby #2" or "baby Jarrell" or to be funny, "Baby Reynard" will do.

:)

too many ideas

Everyone around me boasts/gripes because of how busy they are. I guess I'm busy too, but what I'd rather gripe about is the amount of ideas I have. Ideas that are fun and exciting but that don't come true. They get stuck in un-motivation or fear. They get pushed aside in the midst of things to do. They get crushed by rejection and non-recognition. These ideas come up and when left alone for to long, they gather together and become a list. A grocery list, of sorts, that calls out from the back of my mind, "Don't forget us next time! Remember to include us, please!"

These neglected ideas begin to take a life of their own, they remind me of what we once could have been together. They tell me over and over again that if I were only smart enough or motivated enough or fast enough or organized enough that they'd have life and thus my life would be better. What really happens, though, is that they begin to rule my life. These little lost ideas, things that would be cool to do/be/have if I had the time/money/interest/encouragement of others call out to me with wishful pleading, reminding me that I didn't do/be/have and I don't have time/money, interest, encouragement of others.

And so, with the little beckonings of these puny ideas, my outlook on life becomes more gloomy than sunny.

I've found, recently, that it temporarily helps to write a list of these ideas down. Simply putting them on paper and letting them live in print rather than in the back of my head helps me to release them. Now, my mind isn't listing them all the time and reminding me not to forget them. They are already listed and on paper and the great Idea Queen is taking good care of them until I can, when I choose to, take a look and possibly be motivated to do/be/have ____________ again.

Here are the most recent ideas:

Things that are "on hold"

Writing a book ( I have two in mind)

being a doula

crafting

blogging

decorating the house in a fun and cool way

front yard landscaping instead of front yard mud hole

comfy/confident wardrobe

flowers growing outside

job stability

Fix it things:

fridge seal

oven seal

back porch clean and paint

Washer Dryer upstairs

squeaky front door

unorganized pantry

dirty cars

unorganized basement

To do that seems to not be able to get done:

Move computer files from one hard drive to another

Turn in computer and phone to right owner

keep floors and couches clean

make curtains for kitchen (mine and xstine)

Hair cuts

eating right and with self control

laundry (in orderly and quick fashion)

Ideas that have no where to go:

cottage industry

partnerships with folks (BRTC, CIS, ETC)

folk school

Go back to school

if

If "each new day is a blank page in the diary of my life" as I read today on someone else's blog, then here are the common words you'd find in the past few chapters:

Pregnant, Matthew, birthday, job change, early mornings, Mama, job disappointment, grieving, chocolate, belly band, not twins, cleaning the house, son, nearly 2 years old, milk, Hyaets, sweep, Joanie pregnant, anxiety, nightmare, childcare needs, summer, laundry, neighbors, lists, yard and garden, chicken coop, sweep, naps, grandmothers, son sick with fever, no crafting, my stuffy nose, junk food, can't breathe, Girls' Night, did I mention sweep?, If I hear "only 5 months? But you're so big!" again...., .

That about sums it up.

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging. I have no good excuses. I also have no promises of getting better any time soon.

Things I wish were on my "pages of life" in the near future:
Breath easily, prolific garden, flowers, good hair, crafting with purpose, good/new/decent paying job, SHARE day a success, 10 kids on Spring break trip, at least 4 families on beach trip, Hyaets donors send lots of money, no-stress summer, easy delivery, two happy healthy boys.....

warming up

Raynard comes in the door with the phone up to his ear. "Who are you talking to?," I ask. "No one," he says, "I'm just trying to keep at least one of my ears warm when I'm outside in the cold."

hahahahahahaha