mountains in the fall

Sorry for the rant

Today was no where near good. It started off just fine. We got up, went walking, ate breakfast, had prayers and then John Tyson and I went to the Library to pick up some books and cds. I got home and opened the door to a loud television and a teenager laying on the couch. First of all, we don't watch TV hardly ever and especially not in the middle of the day. The shear noise of the TV threw me off. Secondly, why in the world is this teenager in the living room instead of school?

Good question. I asked it and got no answer. No answer to many of the questions I asked.

I cut the TV off.

Then, I became a monster. I started saying mean things and breathing fire. I was so frustrated with the ungrateful lazy mess making disobedient teenager.

A neighbor came by and then another one. At the arrival of the second neighbor, the teenager got up and started whispering about somebody who is very very rich that he's going to live with and how life will all be better. (at least that's what I heard, anyways)

What!? I've been housing you and trying my best to care for you for 7 weeks now. I've been buying your favorite and expensive junk foods. I've been washing your clothes and cleaning up your messes. I tried giving you incentives like allowance and later curfew. We sat down and talked. I took you on family trip. And you have been giving me the silent treatment, coming in late, making messes everywhere, not coming home at all, going places with out telling us where you're going, talking back, eating everything in sight and now all of a sudden you're going to go live with some rich people where life will be better? Give me a break!

That was the last straw. I kicked the kid out. (for a little while) I told him to get out of the house: go find a job, go hang out, go walk around....do whatever you want to but get out of here! (MONSTER!)

He wouldn't budge, so I made him get out with the force of my body weight. Shoeless, he stood on the back porch. I went and got shoes and a jacket and handed it to him.

Here's the kicker....He then said to me "You're not smarter than me" and then proceeded to unlock the door with the house key that he STOLE FROM US!

Then he left. 5 minutes he came back with a friend and started doing laundry. Never you mind that my laundry was in the waiting line to be washed. He jumped in line and did his own even though I showed him mine was waiting. He talked to his friend, took a shower, and left.

While he was taking a shower, Joanie called Jamar and asked him to go into the bathroom and search the clothes for the Stolen key. No key to be found. He must have hidden it somewhere.

Without any end in sight, no resources for therapy or counseling, and little to no energy left, Greg and I are wondering if we can handle this for much longer. We are already housing one other teenager who is doing better, going to school, staying loyal to his job. Can we really do both?

The answer for me right now is NO! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

Let the guilt wave commence.

Christmas wish list

I'm going to start my list now and add to it when I think of other things:

Bike that I can ride with ease
Bike attachment so John Tyson can ride with me and/or Greg
Anything from my favorites list over at etsy
Gift certificates to craft stores
Shoes size 10 (brown, black, red, and tennis shoes, I really like Clarks brand right now)
Anything homemade: mixed cd, goodies, accessories, art, etc.
Art classes
Art retreat
Free babysitting

For John Tyson
Stuff to climb on
An easel
clothes (size 2T)
coat
hat and gloves
shoes
music cd's

Keri Smith

Instead of being diligent about writing my own blog entries, I've been reading a lot of other people's blog entries lately. (sorry 'bout that) Anyways, I came across Keri Smith and just had to share her with others. I've already printed out the Artist's Survival Kit and the 100things to use for myself.

I also just have to share this piece written by Keri Smith. I'm searching for some ways to be refreshed. Maybe these things will be just the ticket!

1. Document what you are responding to regularly. *journal/sketchbook, blog, listmaking, photo journal, bulletin board collage, internet bookmarks, Allow yourself to go deeper into an idea. Find influence outside of your field. Consider that you are ALWAYS working for yourself.

2. Start to challenge yourself on a regular basis to try new things, (not just for work. *i.e. new foods, colors, processes, classes, travel, become a guerilla artist, etc. Your hobbies are your greatest source of play.)

3. Go back to your childhood, (the formative years). What were your favourite things to do? In this lies some clues as to where you want to focus your energy as an adult. What makes you burst with energy?

4. Do something that is not for money. For your own enjoyment. (Your greatest work will come from here!)
*examples…
-newsletter
-zine
-website
-x-mas card
-product concept
-toys
-gifts for friends.
Design for yourself. *See handout on guerilla art.

5. Use sources that are based on your daily life. Your life IS your art. What are the things that are most important in your current life?

6. Become a collector. Collecting allows us to look at one thing in a contemplative & mindful way. Giving you new insights and perceptions. Examples: Maria Kalman -purse contents, Steven Guarnaccia -shoe sole
rubbings, Ian Phillips & Grant Heaps -Lost & Found pet posters, Mark Ulriksen (former art director) -misspellings of his name, Charles & Rae Eames -toys from other countries

7. "Pay no attention to the man behind that curtain." Ignore what other people are doing. It has no bearing on your existence or vision of the world. The times we feel the most discouraged are usually due to the fact we are comparing ourselves to others. Most times reading awards annuals, and industry mags only serves to make us feel inadequate. Try cutting it out entirely. Designer Bruce Mau recommends not entering awards competitions. His reasoning, “Just don’t do it, it’s not good for you.”

8. Don't promote to target your audience. By all means send things out into the world, but don't think in terms of "promoting to get work". Send stuff out because -you're proud of it, -you want to share something with the world, -it's fun to get mail, -to have good karma, -you want to spread your germs, -you like licking stamps. Try sending a postcard of something you made for fun, (i.e. directions on how to make a finger puppet). When thinking of subject matter for promotions look to your current life. If you deal with topics that are important to you a piece will have much more life to it.

9. Take a lighthearted approach (Don't take yourself too seriously). If you feel stuck, you can always reinvent yourself, (re: try something else).

10. Study other artists or creators who followed their own vision. Research.

Whatever happened to me

"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a young poet

Live the questions, Rilke? Exactly how do you suppose I do that? There are too many questions to live!

I want to be all mystical and spiritual and live the questions, but I just don't know how.

Questions within me right now:

make art or clean house

veg out or do something productive

visit with another neighbor or close the door

check email or fast from the internet

spend time reflecting or wash the clothes

read a book or get 8 hours sleep

follow my dreams or make money to support the family

work a job or enjoy a job

work this job or work that job

juggle these things or let them get dropped

make something pretty or save some money

do something for myself or spend quality time with family

Walk 3 miles or get some rest

fuss at the rebellious teenager or forget about it

give up or keep fighting

Let things slide or dig in

hope for something better or live with what I've got

it goes on and on and on....

Do I take a shower even though I know the baby is awake and wants to get out of the crib?

Do I pick up the teenager's stuff AGAIN or let it just sit there?

Do I write the sermon or clock in some time or do I make something pretty that is not at all productive?

Do I wash the dishes again or let them sit in the sink?

When do I get some time for me?

What do I do with the time I have for me?

Who can I talk to?

Where are the pair of jeans that fit?

When and where should I get my hair cut?

What does it mean to choose life?

How do I work itunes?

Should I cancel my etsy site?

Can I get away with not talking for a while?

Do I have the energy to welcome 15 kids for dinner again tonight?

What am I going to cook for the 15 kids?

Why didn't I think to cook for the kids before it was already dinner time?

When will I have a chance to actually sit at the table during supper?

and on and on and on.....

Choose life

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him....Deut 30: 19-20a

Little Bird

There's just something about little birds that make me happy. When John Tyson was little, we called him Little Bird. Sometimes I still do. Here are some of my favorite little birds on etsy.

Made by Studio Lyon

made by Token Emotion

Made by ZephyrWoods

Searching for life

I've been doing a little searching, a little reading, a little thinking.

Looked up "life" in my concordance.

Here's what I've found so far:

Gen 2- Tree of....
Breath of....

Ex. 21- Serve for......

Deut 12: "You have not come into the rest and the possession that the Lord your God is giving you."
The blood is the......

I'll keep reading and continue to write my findings.