Whatever happened to me

"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a young poet

Live the questions, Rilke? Exactly how do you suppose I do that? There are too many questions to live!

I want to be all mystical and spiritual and live the questions, but I just don't know how.

Questions within me right now:

make art or clean house

veg out or do something productive

visit with another neighbor or close the door

check email or fast from the internet

spend time reflecting or wash the clothes

read a book or get 8 hours sleep

follow my dreams or make money to support the family

work a job or enjoy a job

work this job or work that job

juggle these things or let them get dropped

make something pretty or save some money

do something for myself or spend quality time with family

Walk 3 miles or get some rest

fuss at the rebellious teenager or forget about it

give up or keep fighting

Let things slide or dig in

hope for something better or live with what I've got

it goes on and on and on....

Do I take a shower even though I know the baby is awake and wants to get out of the crib?

Do I pick up the teenager's stuff AGAIN or let it just sit there?

Do I write the sermon or clock in some time or do I make something pretty that is not at all productive?

Do I wash the dishes again or let them sit in the sink?

When do I get some time for me?

What do I do with the time I have for me?

Who can I talk to?

Where are the pair of jeans that fit?

When and where should I get my hair cut?

What does it mean to choose life?

How do I work itunes?

Should I cancel my etsy site?

Can I get away with not talking for a while?

Do I have the energy to welcome 15 kids for dinner again tonight?

What am I going to cook for the 15 kids?

Why didn't I think to cook for the kids before it was already dinner time?

When will I have a chance to actually sit at the table during supper?

and on and on and on.....