It is important to us that we base our daily activity and choices on our values/ideals. We know, though, that we won’t ever be able to match our values/ideals with our lives. Certainly, we haven’t included everything that is important and we won’t perfectly match our ideals, but it is at least worth a try.
In the six years we have lived in community and co-directed the Hyaets ministry, we have experienced many good times. We have also experienced quite a bit of difficulty. We are not under the illusion that any changes will keep us from experiencing difficulty. In fact, changes will inevitably involve difficulty. Without dumping all six years of history onto the world wide interwebs, I’ll make my best attempt to flesh out how we came to discern our needs, voids, or opportunities for growth/change.
It seems that the amount of residential community members affects the stability and sustainability of our Community. For six years, there have been 4 long term adult residents. Children have increased in number. Temporary people (interns and “year long discernment” folks) have come and gone, but have not stayed. There was one occasion when an intern stayed for some parts of 2 years, either in our own home or in a close by residence. The Resident Year Discernment Year process has always been very flexible and unstructured. The rule and routine of our community almost always changes in order to adjust to the new people who come. Personalities traits and habits probably have something to do with the lack of commitment from discerning folks, but I think more than anything else, the reasons for the not-so-working discernment process are unclear expectations, wrong assumptions on both parts, unclear definition of membership into Hyaets community life. I personally believe that unclear expectations, rule, and routine have also made it difficult between residential members and possibly have caused the current disconnect/decision to start a new community. Though the newest effort and way in which a new community has been a difficult pill for me to swallow, I do agree that this might be the best possible option.
I’m very excited about the potential for newness, growth, and the opportunity for following new paths. I’m eager to grow our little urban community and to discern new ministry possibilities. Dreaming and visioning is fun. We also need some change. The life we have formed thus far at Hyaets has been rewarding and meaningful, but there have been times when we have sensed there was room for improvement. Too often, we have felt unsupported, isolated, and overwhelmed. This opportunity to make changes might allow for some of these feelings to be overcome.
I think that something like regular and routine community spiritual direction/coaching/or counseling would be helpful. When things have been difficult, we have turned to a counselor, but I think regular and routine direction would be a necessity. This way, we may be able to vision, discern, and reevaluate together with outside perspective on a regular basis. Also, it would help us as individuals to hear insight from an outside-of-the-community supportive person who has some understanding of how we live and interact.
It seems that numbers have something to do with sustainability and support. The more people, the more shared labor, yet too many makes for too much. I’m not sure what the “perfect” number would be, but I think that numbers are important to consider/aim for. It also seems that physical presence is not enough. Emotional presence is key to relationship development and community life. Personality conflicts, depression, addiction, and communication seem to be key influences in community relationships.
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